Coffee Tips Rant
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COFFEE TIPS RANT By Alison R. G. van Diggelen I mean, what is it with tips jars in coffee shops? You know these little cups with handwritten requests that read, “Tips appreciated” or some such guilt-inducing plea. Isn’t $3 for a cup of coffee steep enough? I mean how much spare money do we carry around in our wallets? How can we possibly afford their overpriced gingerbread cake and melt-in-your-mouth-chocolate brownies if we need to budget for a big tip on the top? Maybe I’m just a cheap Scot, but what exactly am I paying for? It’s not that the barristas are bringing the drink to my table or amusing me with their wit and wisdom. I’m lucky if I get a “howyadoin’?” Am I missing something or are other people getting little extras that are worth a dollar or more? Are there cute smiley faces in their foam, or a little sprinkle of something extra behind the counter to get them off on their feel-good-deny-the-downturn day? If they are, then I want some too and I’ll gladly cough up the tip money. Perhaps tips are a way of showing our sincere appreciation for standing in a long slow-moving line for three whole hours in the company of other jittery coffee addicts, panic-attack-inducing froth machines and harassed barristas? OR, are people paying tips because they think the barristas are cute and they want a date? Is heavy tipping in coffee shops the 21st Century equivalent of the classic bouquet of flowers? Or the not-so-subtle signal that you drive a fast car and have a cool bachelor (-ette) pad in the trendy part of town? Do some people need tip jars to flaunt their wads of money to barristas and the ten hundred people waiting behind them in line? Or maybe it’s community conscience that’s the driving force. Perhaps big tippers are showing solidarity with the coffee shop staff? These barristas probably need an extra buck or three every hour. But this argument really doesn’t hold water, especially not the scalding hot stuff. There are millions of low-wage workers we choose not to assist. No one would dream of putting a tips jar in the library, grocery store or Blockbuster. Even my supermarket offers more service than a coffee shop; these guys will take you by the hand to track down the last pint of Ben and Jerry’s Chunky Monkey if that’s your heart’s desire. What about that great biography you heard about on Terry Gross? I bet your local librarian will help you find it. Have you ever tried to locate some obscure French movie? The staff is pretty helpful in Blockbuster, they’ll walk you through their huge ledger of every movie ever made and not treat you like an American in Paris. What makes me even madder are the tip jars in the mom and pop coffee shops. Now here, the argument that you’re supplementing lousy wages falls on a very hard counter. Often they’re labeled “vacation funds” or some such euphemism. But let’s face it, there’s not much difference between this and pan handlers downtown. Except that in the coffee shop, I can’t avoid looking the owner in the eye…and donating to his “worthy” cause. But I will give generously for a belly laugh. Last week I came across a tips jar suggesting “Donations for Counter Intelligence.” Now that did loosen my purse strings. Hey all you barristas out there, don’t you know we’re still struggling? The worst may be over but we’re still strapped for cash and counting every penny. Alison van Diggelen is editor of siliconmom.com and will give generously for an extra large slice of yummy gingerbread with her coffee. Despite stirring up some energetic feedback to the contrary, Alison has served her time as a waitress at the Royal Hotel in Oban, Scotland. Back then, she was delighted to make a pound note after waiting six tables for an entire week. © siliconmom
