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Come on Mother Nature

Why is it that… Mother Nature didn’t get a pink slip? By Shana McLean Moore On blustery winter days, when I want to don a curly red wig and belt out my off-key rendition of “The sun will come out tomorrow” in an effort to perform what I consider to be the polar opposite of a rain dance, I am hopeful that The Big Guy is considering disciplinary action for Mother Nature, the one being I can blame for my wintry funk. The frosty chill of winter has lost all its novelty (even here in California) and I am left craving the warmth, color and rejuvenation of spring. If I could just slip that infamous weasel of a groundhog a little something to take the edge off, perhaps he wouldn’t get so freaked out by his shadow and we could permanently shorten the cycle of dreariness that defines winter. On second thought, I don’t think even an early spring would be worth the wrath of P.E.T.A.! Perhaps, instead, I should try to schedule a little face time with Ms. Nature for a little chat…one that ought to take place out of earshot of The Big Guy if I ever hope to share his zip code. Old girl, I suspect you have buried your head in the clouds too long and are unaware of the changes we earthlings have endured this year. Wake-up, Sister! Competition is fierce and there are plenty of laid-off DOT.COM’ers who would be eager to compete with you for the honor of bringing our sad souls a little more sunshine. If you attempt to rebut with gibberish about our water supply, my response will be that if people have been clever enough to find a way to send instant messages around the world with a point and a click, then I am sure you can find a way to fill our lakes and rivers without having to mess with my hair or require me to visit the car wash. Times are tough, Mother! Be creative! While I am making requests, let’s make sure we stay somewhere between seventy-three and seventy-eight degrees since anything less makes me carry a sweater and anything more turns me into one. Mamma Nature, please get over your power trip soon and bestow some warmth upon your subjects and get on with the duties of spring. In the past this has only required you to provide conditions for growth, but if you would like to retain your cushy career, perhaps you could showcase your multitasking skills by becoming involved with what is actually growing. Because it’s not all roses, honey! While contemplating a leaf-less view and trying to think warm thoughts on a chilly February afternoon, I am reminded of a folkloric song dedicated to spring that plays tribute to all things that are colorful. The first image that came to the songwriter’s mind in De Colores is that the countryside “dresses itself in color in the springtime.” Well, Mother Nature, in my case, the image of the countryside’s vibrant rolling fields needs to be downsized to a suburban excuse for a backyard that will, come April, boast color…though probably only one; green. Lots of green. In fact, for at least one month per year, the grass actually has some spots that are an appropriate shamrock shade. But, alas, so are the impenetrable clusters of weeds that seem to breed kin faster than the infamously prolific rabbit species. They grow thick and proud and force me to walk with the posture of a geezer when I wage battle with them. Goddess of Nature, I am thinking your job security would be tighter than a pop star’s abs if you could work a little magic here and design some sort of a plan for their extinction. Before we are forced to go up the chain of command and take our grievances directly to The Boss, I suggest you show good faith in your desire to stay on board by beginning with a rewrite of your mission statement to say something like: “Effective March 1st all weeds and dismal weather will cease and desist. There will be flowers and sunshine for all.” And should you find the execution of these duties to be an overwhelming task, I suggest you take a look at Monster.com to see just how tough the competition is! About the Author: Shana Moore was born and raised in the Bay Area. After graduating from UC Santa Barbara, she taught Spanish at Los Gatos High School and is currently "home" with her two daughters. Between volunteering to teach Spanish, being an active member in the Almaden Valley Women's Club and entrenched in peace-keeping activities at home, her days are full...and ripe with writing material. Shana is currently developing a column titled " Why IS it that...? Caffeinated ponderings on life's unexplainables".

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