siliconmom.com

home

Motherhood Today Elaine Alquist

Motherhood Today: Two Steps Forward, One Back By California State Senator, Elaine Alquist “As a mother, new grandmother, and legislator, I promise to continue the fight for good legislation that helps the lives of today’s mothers.” In my 57 years, I have been an algebra and trigonometry teacher and guidance counselor, a realtor, co-founder of a small business, a financial analyst at Stanford University, a local PTA president, President of the Cupertino Union School Board, Associate Director for the Career Action Center, a California Postsecondary Education Commissioner, and a member of the California State Legislature. However, none of those jobs has been as tough, challenging or rewarding as that of being mother to two boys, Peter, now 32 years old, and Bryan, now 27. And nothing in the world could have better prepared me for working in the rough and tumble world of the State Assembly. As “Mom,” I learned to be responsible, loving and tenacious. But developing my confident, caring, and, when necessary, assertive personality was not easy. As a young mother, I assumed the traditional role of caregiver for my sons. My husband was the breadwinner. Although I had a BA in mathematics, an MA in guidance and counseling, and had taught for three years before my first son’s birth, I lacked confidence. I believe those feelings were the result of several factors: · The sharply defined cultural views on the role of motherhood in my traditional Greek family and in my husband’s family; · American society in the 1970’s, in which a woman was either a stay-at-home mom or a working professional without kids; · The few resources or support for young mothers; and the lack of communication channels between them; · A powerlessness in my role as caregiver with a husband who made most of the financial decisions (this was before I discovered author and financial advisor Suze Orman!); · The lack of a mentor for my personal and professional growth; · The inability on my part to develop a plan for self-reliance that would guide me in the future. I now realize that although my insecurity stemmed from the lack of a strong support system, I still had choices and just needed to follow my instincts. We all have an internal voice that says what is best for us, and I must admit that a benefit of getting older is learning to value that voice. Young parents today seem to do a better job of helping each other when it comes to taking care of children. Fathers are actually changing diapers! The trend toward mutual child rearing is benefiting both parents and the child. While at first blush it may seem that mothers have it easier today, and that may be true at home, women face some extremely difficult decisions. Are you willing to sacrifice professional advancement in your career by spending more time with your children? Do you stay home and raise your children or do you let someone else do it? Can we still be good mothers and hold an outside job? Children need both quality and quantity of time with mom, but how much? These are common questions in Silicon Valley, particularly when families need two incomes to afford a house, when jobs often require long commutes and more time away from home, and when quality childcare is sparse. At the Capitol, I authored legislation to help first-time homebuyers purchase a home with an affordable down payment and legislation to decrease the time to implement transportation projects. Both of these were signed into law. But the issue of affordable, accessible and accountable childcare is a tougher problem. I held hearings on the issue and introduced a bill for a Master Plan for Childcare. During state budget negotiations in 2000, the Women’s Caucus in the Legislature refused to vote for the budget unless an additional $135 million was included for childcare. We were successful then, but so much more is needed. As a mother, new grandmother, and legislator, I promise to continue the fight for good legislation that helps the lives of today’s mothers. If you have any suggestions, I ask you to email me. In closing, my advice to mothers faced with so many tough decisions today is be good to yourself and your family, respect yourself for all the love, time and energy you devote to your children, and simply do the best you can during these sweet, but all too short, years. Throughout my life, I have played many roles and had many titles, but by far the name I cherish most is simply “Mom.” About the author: Elaine Alquist was State Assemblywoman for District 22, Santa Clara. In 2004, she became a State Senator. She divides her time between the cities of Santa Clara and Sacramento. Her former colleagues in the Legislature have called Elaine one of the most industrious members of the State Assembly. She welcomes comments from you at Mary@Alquist4senate.com

home