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One foot in my mouth

One foot in my mouth by Lynn S. I usually have one foot in my mouth; however, for the past three weeks, I have had one foot in a cast. And it will stay that way for at least another three weeks, much to my family’s dismay. Before you begin wondering what I did to myself, let me clarify: it was elective surgery to correct a long-standing problem (pun intended). Lucky me, I was born with an extra bone in my right foot, and that bone was attached to a tendon. I was always spraining my foot, and nowadays just standing was painful. The extra bone had to go, which meant the tendon had to be re-attached. To safeguard the tendon, I could put absolutely no weight on my foot for five weeks. No walking, no standing, and of course, no driving. How do you plan your life around being partially incapacitated? There’s no guidebook, “What to Expect When You’re Expecting Pandemonium.” Rob, my husband, runs a software start-up. We have two daughters: Nicole, 6, in kindergarten; and Danielle, 4, in pre-school. We have no family on the West Coast, and barely know our neighbors. We have some great friends, but they are locked into their busy lives as much as we are. On a good night, both kids are in bed by 9 p.m., and we are totally exhausted. Because there is no school bus, it has always my job, as a stay-at-home Mom, to do all the school runs. Now it was Rob’s headache. I gave him a list of room parents and hoped for the best. Before my surgery, I tried to put all my ducks in a row. I bought crutches. I rented a wheelchair. I re-organized almost every closet in the house. I arranged for a cleaning service. I cooked and froze a bunch of meals. I raked the leaves. In other words, I ran around like a total maniac. My doctor had suggested that I get plenty of rest in preparation for the surgery. Yeah, right. Then came the day of my surgery, and I waited for all hell to break loose. But it didn’t. The reason: e-commerce. If I could get down on my hands and knees, I’d thank the geeky gurus that invented e-commerce. Because when you’re trapped in a wheelchair, your husband is neck-deep in last-minute VC meetings, your kid just ate her last Popsicle, and your Sonicare toothbrush just quit, nothing gives you power like the words “Add to Cart” and “Submit Order.” It has been three weeks now, and I have come to realize: I’m not incapacitated, dammit, I’m empowered! Of all the e-commerce services, the best by far has been groceries. Sending my husband, who does not cook, to the grocery store is an exercise in futility. With on-line groceries, you just point and click, and before you know it, it’s all in your cupboards and refrigerator. It’s a dream! But for a mom in my position, even e-commerce has its limits. Please, will someone invent Laundry.com, so I don’t have to bug my husband to tackle that growing pile of dirty clothes? (The washer and dryer are in the garage, down three treacherous steps). And here’s one we could all use: ThrowOutTheGarbageAndRecyclingAlready.com. Well, I suppose nobody in his right mind would ever invent WipeMyKidsButt.com, or GiveMyKidsABath.com. There have been times I really could have used those services, because the wheelchair doesn’t fit into the kids’ bathroom. Each afternoon, Danielle’s dreaded cry, “Mommy, wipe me!” sent a chill down my spine. Fortunately, after a while, Nicole took pity and assisted in the unsavory deed -- with the help of a new Barbie as reward. Point, Click, Add to Cart! E-commerce has enabled me to continue doing most of what a mom does: shop, cook, and pop in a new kids video. Rob’s struggle is more difficult, because nobody has invented TakeMyKidsToSchoolAndPickThemUp.com. E-commerce has saved him the unpleasant task of shopping for us, but unfortunately, e-commerce cannot save him from being an overburdened dad with a start-up. Pretty soon, I’ll be back on my feet again, but I don’t think I’ll look at the world the same way. E-commerce has been way too much fun. I’ll buy my stuff on-line instead of running from store to store like a fool. It will be nice to have some free time to put my feet up and read a good book. No, I’ve had enough time with my foot up. I think I’ll go outside and jog around the block. About the author: Lynn S. is a part-time technical writer. When she has spare time, she writes articles, songs and poetry, and plays electric guitar.

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P.S. Lynn's foot is now healed, better than new, and she's grateful that Webvan and Peapod were around when she needed them most.

For a siliconmom requiem for Webvan, click here.