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Giving from the heart

Giving from the heart for Valentines By Alison van Diggelen “Kindness can become its own motive. We are made kind by being kind.” Eric Hoffer My 5 year-old came home from school the other day and asked, “There’s a Mother’s Day for moms, a Father’s Day for dads and a Valentine’s Day. Why’s there not a Kid’s Day for us?” He was quite upset. I replied, “That’s because every day is Kid’s day,” but that didn’t seem to satisfy him. Despite my conviction that Valentine’s Day has been hi-jacked by Hallmark and is one of the linch pins of their annual cash flow, it does serve a useful purpose. It reminds us to focus on those we love, the ones closest to us, the ones it’s so easy to take for granted. Valentine’s Day certainly takes on gargantuan proportions in Silicon Valley. No sooner have the Christmas/ Hanukah and Kwanzaa items been removed from the store shelves than the pink and red heart-shaped items creep in. Some might liken it to the perceived communist infiltration of the McCarthy era; except that today it’s all in the highly acceptable cause of capitalism…keep those Hallmark registers ringing! Every year, laden shelves of chocolates and flagrantly romantic cards beckon at every turn almost challenging you to resist. It always reminds me of my brother-in-law’s classic line: newly weds, Martin and his wife, Karen, were dining at a trendy restaurant one evening when approached by a man selling long-stemmed roses. Karen looked down demurely, knowing Martin had to cave in. Instead, he said boldly, “No thanks…we’re married.” This brave statement never ceases to amuse me, but the implication that romance is over at the altar is pretty poignant. It is belied by the millions we spend on Valentine goodies every year. The question is; is it pure romance, or simply duty? Are we all merely pushovers to the marketing efforts of Hallmark et al.? Valentine’s Day can be a mixed blessing. Some couples ignore it all together, saying “We don’t need Hallmark to tell us when to show our affection.” Yet I feel for these poor spouses who experience the combined pressure of their spouse and twenty of their most vocal friends to produce the goods on Valentines Day. We can’t drive to work or school without passing hoards of flower sellers at every major junction, wielding bouquets of deep red roses and balloons. We can’t open a magazine, watch TV or surf the web without being constantly reminded of the big V-day approaching. Even the kids are in on the act. While the children are small, they believe in the power of love, of everlasting love and everlasting happy families. They don’t know about the statistics. They want to show the whole world how much they love you in shades of scarlet and fuchsia, construction paper glittering with hearts and cupids. Valentine’s Day is the perfect day for to remember passion and practice compassion. I think it’s good to focus on the magic that brought you and your spouse together as lovers, even if for much of the year this is buried beneath the piles of dirty laundry, school homework, to-do lists and accumulated kid’s junk. Unearth the magic within the mundane. It is the right time to put loved ones first and perform little acts of kindness, be they homemade or Hallmark manufactured. After all, Valentine’s Day is also Children’s Day. My son is not going to let me forget that. Alison van Diggelen welcomes your comments. She is the editor of siliconmom.com. Email: siliconmom@earthlink.net © 2001 Siliconmom

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